某同事成日都唔帶飯，遇然會叫我同佢出去食。
er… 其實唔係好想同佢出去囉，第一，我想慳錢；第二，更重要的是，出到去，佢就成日喺咁拎住部手機按按按，有時無 message 要覆佢可以喺度打機。妖，去死啦，咁你自己一條友出去食咪得囉，有手機陪你咪得囉，叫我出去做乜？
其實唔止係佢，其他的朋友有Ｄ都係咁，以前的就是會係咁猛 flip Ｄ無聊 magazine, 而家的就是玩手機，再唔係就係望住個電視發呆。好討厭。
亦都好討厭差唔多每間食肆而家都裝上唔止一個既電視，想搵個睇唔到電視既角落 is almost impossible. 明明無電視係唔會死架喎，但一有呢，Ｄ人對眼同個靈魂就好似不受控制咁被攝咗入去。
當然，電視有佢既好處，當你同一個你唔係好想同佢講嘢又或者冇乜嘢講既人出去，咁咪打正牌唔駛講嘢，唔使搵話題，又唔怕 dead air 囉。
咁係咪啫係話我就係嗰個人家唔想同佢講嘢既人？！
Then again, 妖！咁你唔好搵我出去啦。
再想想自己裂了骨都可以起身繼續踩單返工，放工又可以踩多廿Ｋ返屋企，雖然痛係咁哎呀，但都覺得自己好強。
生命力頗頑強的，可能適合做軍人。
雖然是打不死，但是現在是殘廢了喇，很多東西都做唔到呀，而呢幾日手腕都開始痛，應該係因為成日就住個手踭而引發。
好不便呀。
Time to update my health situation a bit.
作死！
星期一終於去咗睇醫生，佢叫我去照 x-ray, which was kinda expected but what I really wanted is a MRI cos I don’t think my bone has any problem. I was more worried about my 筋 than my bones.
But doc probably knows best so I went to get my x-ray done. My doc is a bit of a joker with a sense of humor that shouldn’t be present in a doctor cos sometimes I don’t know if I believe him or not. Last time I visit him about my head he told me that his wife was 8-month pregnant and he only found out the week before. And then he told me that he was just joking when I said how on earth could he not notice sooner.
Anyway, so yesterday when I went to the doc, I actually hope that he wasn’t around so that I would get seen by a resident instead cos I know he’s going to mock me falling off the bike again. Unfortunately, he was there but actually, he’s a very good doctor so besides getting laughed at, I wasn’t actually that upset that he’s there.
When I got the x-ray back, he told me to go in and said to me
“You’ve broken your bone.”
"Noooo. I didn’t".”
"Yes, you did.”
"Nooo, I don’t believe you.” (I was really convinced that my bones were fine.)
"You don’t believe me. I will show you. Let’s look at the x-ray together.”
That’s how much I don’t know when the doc is joking and when he’s actually telling the truth.
Sure enough, I have a fracture in my radius. And it looks like a bigger one than the one I’ve done a few years back. Luckily there’s no displacement. No need for a cast. Only a sling for now. Have been referred to the fracture clinic to follow up. Doubt that they will say/do much other than telling me not to use that arm, rest more and takes about 6-8 weeks to recover. Nothing that I don’t know already.
Well… at least the doc doesn’t seem to think that there’s anything wrong with my ligament or tendons. So, a little cracked on the bone sounds like a good news to me. Actually, the doc didn’t even check those. So I asked and he just kinda brushed it away so I didn’t pursue any further but to assume that the doc knows better.
Appointment is tmr. Good luck to me.
Don’t wanna fight for it anymore, especially when you are fighting on your own. Well… I don’t think that I’m actually alone in the fight but I certainly feel that way.
Giving up part of it already a while ago. Already put in less effort in certain area. Less effort –> less expectation –> less disappointment. That’s my logic anyway.
I also naively hoped that someone else would pick up the hole that’s left behind when I put in less effort. But no, nothing happened. Nobody filled the gap. Maybe nobody has noticed the hole or maybe they noticed but don’t care enough to do anything about it. Maybe I’m the only one who think that the hole is of any significance. Maybe the hole is not as important as I thought. In any case, if nobody else cares about the hole, why should I? It justifies my decision of not spending any more of my time and effort to fill up this hole.
Haven’t been this depressed for a long time. Maybe the problem has existed for a while but life has been so caught up by various other obligations that needs to be fulfilled that prevents me from thinking about it. A relatively minor thing triggered my thought yesterday and I have been thinking about this since.
Maybe that’s why so many ppl fill their schedules up so much that they don’t have time to think about things like that. But isn’t that self-deception? Isn’t it just a way of running away?
一首老歌在腦內響起來，一直都不太喜歡這首歌，個人覺得旋律不太好聽，就算是張學友的聽線和感情都救不了這首歌，偏偏這個時候的歌詞很中。
我想我會 stick it out 吧，at least for now, 明天會更好吧。
星期四炒，星期五都無乜嘢，都係痛吓唔係好郁到咁。
星期六開始發瘀，到星期日變咗咁。
自己都覺得有Ｄ恐怖...
Well… 睇相無咁恐怖，真實的是，成隻手踭加附近前臂同手臂360度都係瘀既顏色。
恐怖既原因係因為受傷既過程無撞到手踭，所以唔係撞到咁瘀，而係內傷，I think I must have torn some blood vessels inside in the process, probably hyper-extending my joint as suggested by 詹占，瘀血積聚咗係入面，變咗瘀血。
I am worried that I might have injured some ligament or tendon or something like that… reminds me of my knee… I hope 唔係又搞到斷筋咁大鑊。嗰時斷筋個膝頭都無咁瘀法...
Well… actually my elbow’s range of motion has restored a bit and I can move my wrist a bit more as well now that the swelling has somewhat subsided. But then, if the elbow’s mechanism is similar to the knee, then 就算斷了筋隻手都會郁到，唔去照吓野唔會知道。Well… another way to know is if I so certain things in the future, say, putting weight on the joint at a certain angle, then the joint will be unstable.
唉，今日死死地氣book咗睇醫生喇，希望無事啦，都係求個安心啫。
剛剛在公司拍的。右手是伸唔直的那一隻，是手踭個位突咗一舊嗰一隻。
尋晚放工，考慮咗好耐，還是決定踩車返歸，是慢動作踩嗰隻，右手都係做吓樣咁放喺個 handlebar 上，轉吓 gear 都ＯＫ，brake 就完全唔得。
每一次遇到 bump (which happens A LOT in TO’s road condition), 每 dun 一下，就痛一下，我就喺車上叫一下哎喲，好彩我踩的是HOV lane, 所以唔多車，尚算安全。
發現唔踩 valley 直踩馬路番去短咗５km! 但都 dun 咗２１km 先返到屋企。
瞓咗一覺，算係好咗少少，起碼手腕某程度上可以郁吓。但今朝都係唯有搭火車巴士返工。很討厭
What the heck. 又炒車。
痴線架。
今次係無情情喺行得好慢既情況下突然跣低，右手著地。
但由於出事地點在叫天不應，叫地不聞的 valley 內（ya…. cycling in the valley to avoid the road after my last incident but still … 出事), 加上不太嚴重，休息數分鐘後繼續上路，don’t think that it was as bad as that time I cracked my bone but I definitely couldn’t put much weight on the arm and I can’t exert force to squeeze the brake. Can’t rotate my forearm… 我諗係扭傷.
Didn’t go to doc this time… well… at least not yet.
I had trouble taking clothes off for shower when I arrived at the office. I managed to do it but it was tough and with lots of moaning and groaning. Going to washroom I need to allow myself extra time. Can’t leave it till last minute.
Working wasn’t too bad. I can type on the keyboard without too much problem as long as my hand stays relatively stationary (ie. not to make too many typing mistakes that I need to hit the backspace too often).
I hope that it’s just a spring of something in my elbow and wrist. 詹占 worries that I might have dislocated something or broken something again but I don’t think so. Everything seems to be in place, just swollen up a bit.
I actually felt a bit better after arriving work and had a shower but as the day went by, my arm became stuff and maybe bcos the swelling settled in, I can hardly move my arm without causing pain.
I have been much more careful when cycling this week but still… sigh… not to mention that I was very closed to being hit by a car on Tuesday. Totally that guy’s fault. It’s not like he didn’t know my existence. He raced to turn into the small road before me (we were travelling in opposite directions) while I have the right-of-way (I was turning right). In fact, I was turning already when he turned left into the road. So ok that’s fine, he made it. But then he totally cut me off by turning right into the driveway right after his left turn with me right on his tail! If I hadn’t braked I would have got hit already… As 小笨's PT said, cycling in TO is dangerous cos drivers are oblivious about cyclists.
Maybe God’s telling me to stop cycling.
話說有一晚，已經瞓咗上床，都差唔多瞓著，有人無啦啦問： atom Ｄ electrons 第一層有兩粒，第二層有八粒，第三層有幾多粒？
嘩，一時間真係俾佢考起！十世冇掂過 chemistry 啦，點鬼記得？！
以我僅存的記憶，係八粒，但俾佢咁問，我自己都好唔肯定。某人都覺得係八粒，但又係唔肯定，問佢做乜無啦啦問，佢話無乜原因，突然間諗起咁話。
跟住神奇的事就發生了，我哋無啦啦一起數 periodic table 入面頭二十個 elements, 由於歷史久遠，大家都唔係好記得，數咗好耐先數完，仲要係好唔肯定。數完既時候就大家都安心瞓覺。
人家數綿羊瞓，我家數 elements, 係咪好 educational？好 sophisticated？好 nerdy 呢？
說是最終回當然就是因為好返啦！
So happy! 
話說我做黎做去醫生教我的 epley 都無幫助，於是我就照醫生之前說的上 u2b 找其他的 epley maneuver 做做，我做的那個既過程很難受，因為超暈，做咗兩次我就暈到想嘔。
但付出的代價是值得的，因為第二日就好神奇的好番咗，我初初都唔係好覺，喺公司度勁 fing 頭 test 吓，其他人一定以為我做到痴咗，咁我勁 fing 都無事，我就走咗去 sick room 度試一試瞓底，都無事，我開心死，勁想喺公司跑步！
當晚即刻迫詹占幫我 fix 番架車，第二朝我就 back on the bike 喇！勁爽，雖然超爆攰，因為搬咗 office 之後既路程遠咗，加上超凍，有點哮喘的感覺，但超開心喲！
終於都可以自由咁郁動。
但好景不常，兩日之後無啦啦又暈番，好彩嗰人本來就諗住攞假唔返工，咁係屋企就嗱嗱林又做下 d exercise, 之後又好似好番，到而家都無事。
今日又踩車喇，超 out of shape. 無奈。
我諗我係好番哂架喇，都無再復發，可以嗰日攰得滯啫。
要好好把握踩車機會喇，呢排Ｄ氣溫越黎越凍，the riding season is going to end soon.
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