累了

Don’t wanna fight for it anymore, especially when you are fighting on your own. Well… I don’t think that I’m actually alone in the fight but I certainly feel that way.

Giving up part of it already a while ago. Already put in less effort in certain area. Less effort –> less expectation –> less disappointment. That’s my logic anyway.

I also naively hoped that someone else would pick up the hole that’s left behind when I put in less effort. But no, nothing happened. Nobody filled the gap. Maybe nobody has noticed the hole or maybe they noticed but don’t care enough to do anything about it. Maybe I’m the only one who think that the hole is of any significance. Maybe the hole is not as important as I thought. In any case, if nobody else cares about the hole, why should I? It justifies my decision of not spending any more of my time and effort to fill up this hole.

Haven’t been this depressed for a long time. Maybe the problem has existed for a while but life has been so caught up by various other obligations that needs to be fulfilled that prevents me from thinking about it. A relatively minor thing triggered my thought yesterday and I have been thinking about this since.

Maybe that’s why so many ppl fill their schedules up so much that they don’t have time to think about things like that. But isn’t that self-deception? Isn’t it just a way of running away?

一首老歌在腦內響起來，一直都不太喜歡這首歌，個人覺得旋律不太好聽，就算是張學友的聽線和感情都救不了這首歌，偏偏這個時候的歌詞很中。

我想我會 stick it out  吧，at least for now, 明天會更好吧。